Rinne's Rants

That awful feeling when everyone is moving on and so are you but on different paths, in different directions. :/

Some people spend their entire life on an endless search to find a purpose, a soul mate, or simply just a reason to wake up in the morning. After analyzing my life for the last 5 years I can see I was one of those people. I’d go to any length to convince myself that Mr. Wrong was oh so right and that I was happy. I can see now that putting on a fake smile not only hurts your face, but your heart too. 

Why do we concentrate so hard on being liked, loved, or noticed? Why do the opinions of others paralyze some of us into this black hole of loneliness. I think I might have a logical answer. I think finding love has to be a journey. I think you have to see the darkness to appreciate the absolute ecstasy of the light. Where as part of me wishes I could have skipped my dark period, I understand it now to be part of the journey that has lead me to a positive point in my life. 

You might feel worthless at some point. You might feel invisible or undesirable, but I promise you there will be a day that you look in the mirror and it all comes together so beautifully. I don’t know how long its been for me now, but I had that “lightbulb” moment where you stop looking out the rearview mirror, come out of the black hole and see the light. You might get a little sunburned at first, in other words, see yourself as you are but not know the direction you’re going in, but thats when it all falls into place. 

I may be rambling a bit, I just know how much hope there is for people going through the same trials and tribulations I went though. I thought there was no end to the madness, loneliness and heartache. Little did I know, sometime later I’d be the happiest girl in the world. I couldn’t be more thankful than I am at this moment for my own self realization and the love that has blessed my life.

Keep trucking. Never stop believing in love and it will find you.

It’s been awhile since I’ve taken a moment to write out my thoughts. It’s been a chaotic couple of months, adjusting to my new/old job. I’m actually enjoying it, for the most part anyway. The people at work make my decision to come back way worth it. I haven’t laughed like I do in ages. I feel the most like ‘myself’ right now. It’s pretty liberating. I finally have a solid & reliable group of friends that I can count on. Crazy concept, eh? These people exist for those of you still searching haha.

Valentine’s day is coming up. I know, random transition, but I would just like to express that all the Valentine’s day conspirators are the weirdos who have no other way to say “my life sucks”, so they make a big stink about how stupid it is, but end up sitting alone at home, in the dark…drowning their sorrows in dollar tree chocolates, scrolling through their facebook friends over and over again. Is that the smallest violin in the world I hear?

I hate when people challenge holidays. Everyone loves something. For goodness sakes, I’m single and whether I’m spending time with someone I really care about or with my friends…I know it’s simply a day to recognize our loved ones. Take it as you will, but remember…

Well that’s all for now my lovelies. You know I love you, and thanks for taking a second to read my rants.

;) Rinne

Hello all ;)
So this may come as a surprise to some but I have decided to return to my job at the call center, ACS.

I have mixed emotions. I’m sad that I’m leaving my coworkers and customers at starbucks, but the whole reason I’m there is to make money and I’m not. No buenoo. I am going to take these next couple weeks and make sure I thank each and every person who has made a difference in my life while working for Starbucks. I came to there in a slump. I had a tumultuous living situation that affected my job at the time, my attitude, everything really. I was quiet and shy…mainly because I hadn’t done face to face customer service in 9 months, but all of my amazing customers and coworkers brought my sunshine back. Even when my personal life wasn’t perfect, I had somewhere to go where everyone (for the most part) was in a good mood and was willing to take time to listen to me.

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Wow, so today marks 3 days until my 21st birthday and it has thrown me into a whirlpool of reflection.

I, as an almosssst 21 year old have endured more than most do in their entire lives. Over the last couple months I’ve made some pretty irrational decisions in regards to relationships. I’ve been on a rampage, like a killing spree. I was being ridiculous. When I finally slammed on the breaks, I was able to evaluate my feelings. I have accomplished a comfortable life thus far, but I felt that I needed a boyfriend to fit the missing piece in my puzzle. Come to find out…I DO need time to live my life. My puzzle really isn’t as obscure as I thought it was. I’m working on the best damn Corinne this world has ever seen. It’s necessary. Personally mandatory.

I put on the outfit for my birthday and looked into the mirror and a mental montage began. I saw pictures of my loved ones, those who have stuck by me through all these years, those I’ve lost, those who make me laugh, and it ended with a blank spot for my future. No matter how stupid my decisions have been in the past, I have always known that my future would be brighter than sunshine. I’m blessed.

I’m a work in progress folks. I’m an old dog learning new tricks, bahaha.

I look onto my birthday remembering those who didn’t quite make it along my journey. I tip my hat to them, and I party on.

At this point I’m full of love, laughs, reflection, and memories. I thank everyone who has been there and who continue to be there. I will continue to show you my love.

Cheers ;)

Ah yes, another amble opportunity to blog or have a bitch session, either way here we go. Now I know ultimately that I am responsible for my attitude and emotions but they are constantly fueled negatively by others. I screw up just like the next person, I’m not perfect to save my life but I sure as hell treat people way better than they treat me. I found out today that someone I once really cared for was incarcerated for actions that are completely unfathomable to me. You can judge the fact that it effects me, but its hard to grieve someone who is technically still alive, but who died a very long time ago. I’m relieved in the sense that I don’t have to be fearful anymore, but this whole situation has put my mind back into the dark place I dug myself out of. If you know me, I’m not the most religious of the bunch but I can’t help feeling blessed that I pulled out on top and never truly lost myself even in a mess most people wouldn’t know how to escape. I know this feeling will sooner than later drift off as a distant memory and a lesson learned, but I’m forced to remind myself life has no remote control.. Damnit. Other than that a friend really hurt my feelings by completely disregarding every bone.of respect in her body and putting me in an extremely uncomfortable.situation. I just don’t know who can be trusted anymore. Really. Why the hell are people so incredibly inconsiderate? All in all, life goes on. I live to see another day, but that doesn’t include seeing the people that make my life hell. Straight up.

Be prepared for this vent session. It may get a little crazy up in here.

So recently a couple people said I was stuck up and conceited. Now, being the confident girl that I am I didn’t flip out about it, but it kinda stuck in the back of my mind. I am so tired of hearing that I’m a “bitch” because of things that I have.

I mean for goodness sakes, I’m strugglin as it is. I am HUMBLE. Just because I’m confident and can say “Yeah, I worked my ass off for what I have” (not that it’s a whole lot) doesn’t mean I think I’m better than anyone. I may have a good home life, vehicle, and jobs but why should that concern anyone? 

I go to work everyday with a goal. The focus is finally on me. Insensitive people can shove it, because guess what? I would much rather be who I am today, then have ever met people with such negative energy. I mean wow, when I was being an idiotic teenager, those people were around, shows their authenticity or lack there of ;)

I am tired of being constantly misunderstood. If people could just listen for a second, they’d see my intentions are good. Hmm, That rhymed.

I have a LOT on my plate right now and I am thankful but very aware. 

I sure wish things made more sense to me. I want to stop fighting for and with people and just BEEEE, but I’m not getting one ounce of cooperation. Well, as always I am running a one woman show…a very humble and genuine one.

I won’t let negativity stop me, but its just another thing I don’t need.

hmpph, I’m done for now. keep posted, maybe I’ll get some good luck sooner or later.

My life is insanity. I am constantly struggling to be on top because there is always some one or thing trying to put me down. I just want consistency and structure. I’m going to be a little selfish and say I deserve it. I want a steady, reliable job. I want my own apartment with a reliable roommate. I want to love someone and be loved back. I want to stop being scared of the worst possibilities and experience the best of life in love. All of these things I ‘want’ but I have worked my ass off to achieve them and I continually fail. I will never stop trying, its not in my nature to let others predict my future. I make things happen. I’m just in a very very very uncomfortable plateau right now. I wish I could snap my fingers and everything could become my reality and not a goal anymore. I will continue to remind myself that there is, infact, a carrot at the end of my race. Right?

Have you ever thought to yourself “I wonder if they truly know how I feel about them” and have you ever regretted not telling someone just that? It’s late, I can’t sleep and this has been running through my mind all night. Sometimes I think, based on how I’m treated if people will regret the way they have treated me when I’m gone, now this doesn’t mean when I’m dead but that’s one way to interpret it. I try to let everyone I love know how much I appreciate them every chance I get and I know for a fact that not many people think that way. We all know life is precious and can be taken away without notice, so why do we forget about eachother so often? Not only in reference to death but this can relate to broken friendships, relationships,etc. How many times have you yelled obscenities to a loved one and then walked away like its nothing. It might not be everyone but it happens. Maybe I’m just rambling, but I strongly believe that love is the most underestimated treasure we have. Don’t ever let your heart be mute because you never know how devastating that could be in the end. Even if you have been hurt don’t shut out the possibility to love again, its not worth it. Have no regret and open your eyes to the beauty of opportunity, its everywhere. Okay I’m hopping off my soap box for now. I may delve a little further later.